I started watching "The Scent Of A Woman" last night. Well, it was loaded but I didn't really hit the 'Play' button. So I got bored last night and decided to watch it seriously. And honestly, while I cry easily, the plight that the female lead really made me cry and think.
*SPOILER* (In case you want to watch the show)
The female lead, 34 yrs old, worked at the same tour agency for 10 years, treated like shit and swallow every single humiliation that was thrown her way because she had to keep her job and make sure she can feed her mum.
Right from the beginning, and I mean really beginning, we are told she's going to die. She has like 6 mths left. Suddenly, she HAD TO, FORCED TO face her life. And realised that it sucks. Because all her life she was living her life for others, thinking about how the others would think of her. And suddenly she has 6 months.
So I cried. Seriously, I mean I'm in a place where I want to be. But it does get lonely and at different points, I would ask "what am I doing here?" "Am I being stupid?" and I start thinking whether I should just go home, back to the routine, back to responsibility, back to reality.
But the thing is this. I was talking to Quasi the other day and I told him the main reason that I'm still here is because I definitely can't get away from working 1 day a week and have the time to myself. I'm selfish, that much I admit. Maybe in old age, I'd pay the price. I would end up with no one and I'd die with my cat chewing on my eyeball (no wait, come to think of it, he won't do that).
I hear all the time that I'm 'brave', I 'adapt well'. But life is just about that: When you are thrown into the big, deep blue sea, what do you do? You either freaking swim or you just give in and die. We live without a stopwatch above our head, thinking that we have limitless tomorrows. That's the scary thing. You are going to wake up one day, take a good look around you and go, "Where am I? What am I doing? Who am I with?" and then the ultimate question: "AM I HAPPY?"
You don't have to wait till you die. You are possibly already dead. Your heart is beating. Consistently. Maybe we should have this one moment in life where our heart stops. Then we might really look at our lives in a more critical and honest manner.
My life is not perfect. I don't have a lot of money. But I have lots of time for myself. And at least I can say I have a laugh a day. And best of all, I'm not complaining about work. :)
