I started watching "The Scent Of A Woman" last night. Well, it was loaded but I didn't really hit the 'Play' button. So I got bored last night and decided to watch it seriously. And honestly, while I cry easily, the plight that the female lead really made me cry and think.
*SPOILER* (In case you want to watch the show)
The female lead, 34 yrs old, worked at the same tour agency for 10 years, treated like shit and swallow every single humiliation that was thrown her way because she had to keep her job and make sure she can feed her mum.
Right from the beginning, and I mean really beginning, we are told she's going to die. She has like 6 mths left. Suddenly, she HAD TO, FORCED TO face her life. And realised that it sucks. Because all her life she was living her life for others, thinking about how the others would think of her. And suddenly she has 6 months.
So I cried. Seriously, I mean I'm in a place where I want to be. But it does get lonely and at different points, I would ask "what am I doing here?" "Am I being stupid?" and I start thinking whether I should just go home, back to the routine, back to responsibility, back to reality.
But the thing is this. I was talking to Quasi the other day and I told him the main reason that I'm still here is because I definitely can't get away from working 1 day a week and have the time to myself. I'm selfish, that much I admit. Maybe in old age, I'd pay the price. I would end up with no one and I'd die with my cat chewing on my eyeball (no wait, come to think of it, he won't do that).
I hear all the time that I'm 'brave', I 'adapt well'. But life is just about that: When you are thrown into the big, deep blue sea, what do you do? You either freaking swim or you just give in and die. We live without a stopwatch above our head, thinking that we have limitless tomorrows. That's the scary thing. You are going to wake up one day, take a good look around you and go, "Where am I? What am I doing? Who am I with?" and then the ultimate question: "AM I HAPPY?"
You don't have to wait till you die. You are possibly already dead. Your heart is beating. Consistently. Maybe we should have this one moment in life where our heart stops. Then we might really look at our lives in a more critical and honest manner.
My life is not perfect. I don't have a lot of money. But I have lots of time for myself. And at least I can say I have a laugh a day. And best of all, I'm not complaining about work. :)
8 comments:
I love your honest post about life~ I guess each and every person thinks differently at a point in life~ and its true~ at least u are not complaining about work which i myself are dreading to go to work~ Hope you take care and enjoy what you are doing now~
I've been following the drama since it started coz of my fav actress Kim Sun-ah. Who can forget her role as Sam Soon, haha! The part where she has been working for 10 yrs, saving every cents, did not buy any pretty clothes to wear, did not eat any expensive food is very heartwrenching. I guess somehow or rather, it connects with the many of us out there. Well, let us work towards our freedom in life, cheers!
I am watching this drama too^^
Anyway, read your previous posts about your Korea experiences and decision. I was in a similar situation like you few years back, just that I was in Japan for a year that time and though I tried to continue staying there, I guess I wasn't determined enough. I wonder what will I be now if I did not return to Singapore? (btw, I am from Singapore too^^) It will be tiring mentally and physically but I hope you will be able to overcome and strive towards your goal! Good luck!
Oh, do update more of your Korea life too! I miss overseas life!!!
hihi ^^,
I will be moving over to Korea soon. I thought that maybe we can meet up and be friends there. ^^ It will be cool to have a fellow singaporean to spend time with. By the way you may email me at lowsiling@hotmail.com, or add me on msn.
Thank ya! c u soon.
hi there, just wanna let you know i really enjoyed reading your blog and am now in the same situation as you were 2 years back. i am really interested in their culture, their music, variety shows, dramas etc but am too poor to even buy a ticket to seoul. wish me luck that one day i will have the courage and finances to be where you are now. and hopefully you will update your blog soon!
Hi~
I am 20 this year and still studying to obtain my degree (Science). I have been thinking about moving to S. Korea in the future and have started reading up on it. I hope I can be brave and resilient as you are and will be able to fulfill my dream (:
Thanks for all the strength you've given me through your experiences thus far.
<3
Cass
Hi,
Are you staying in Korea now? Would love to stay overseas and do my own work. Always I feel so 'stuck' in SG.
vonz
it's nice to see that you are searching for a bit of happiness but find your story rather sad.
i have travelled quite a bit on my own to several countries staying there for a few weeks to over half a year on a "local" lifestyle over the last 5 years. i have met both locals and foreigners and have received immense favour from both.
saying that work is causing you to not have time is selfish and rather childish. i am working a full time job in sg now and although somedays are unpleasant, i can always find time for myself and "a laugh a day".
not trying to judge your decision, but just a bit of my own experience. i used to feel trapped and cooped up here as well, but half the time, it's really all in your head.
it's not easy to convince yourself that things will get better at times, but they do as long as you are willing to look forward. dont be afraid to face your family. as long as you feel that what you are doing is what will make you happy, tell your friends and family. they will be glad you found your own feet.
btw, for those who want to stay in korea to get out of sg's competition, korea's a lot crazier. i have friends in korea who are graduates from top university who work 12 hours a day on average. it's not that much easier there...
Post a Comment