People You Meet Directly or Indirectly Gives You What You Need...

Currently I'm sharing the 4-bed dorm with a lady from Malaysia. The lady is closer to my mother's age rather than the usual young travelers that I'm used to. So we talked a little more serious stuff beyond the "where did you go to today?"; "Which idols do you like?" topics. But I guess it's also because we are in a room together.

I spoke to her extensively on 2 occasions. Once about my supposed last day in Korea and why I'm still in Korea. I mean she cheered me on and that meant something cos it's difficult for the older generation to really understand this crazy, insane need to be daring. I did think it was just a consolatory thing for her to do that. But my chat with her last night cleared some doubts.

I'm making this announcement for the first time. I'm staying in Korea. Right now, it's 80% fixed. (Don't worry about the merchandise, it will get settled) The biggest qualm I have is I have not told my family about it. And I'm not answering any phone calls from them either. Sounds mean and all that right? But it's a "I don't know what to say to them" situation. Eventually I'd have to but yea. After I have enough money to buy myself a one-way ticket back to Korea, I would tell them because it means I'm going back to Singapore to settle a few things. But that also means that what I thought out to do is successful. Of course, it's not really fixed yet but the dispersed twinkle of light spots are gathering together to become clearer to me. So that will serve as a guide.

So how did the lady help me? The lady shared with me last night that her daughter did the same thing. Went to Taiwan and then kind of dropped off the radar. Initially, they were all afraid and what nots, not knowing what had happened to her but gradually, they calmed down enough and know that she had her reasons for doing so and just leave her be. On some levels, they even gave her their blessing but unspoken. They didn't know what she was going through then and she only started telling them after 2 years when she finally went back to Malaysia.

I cried last night while talking to her. The family part got to me, talking about the depression period I went through last year after my job evaluation. It always difficult to put what I feel into words when it comes to my family. A big part is the fear of disappointing my family, the other part is the idea that "it's my problem, why involve others?" And she said to me, "It's good that you are starting here at Ground Zero. Cos when you are there, the only place you can go is up." The other thing she said to me: "你的这个零不是空的." Basically translates to: "This zero you have is not empty" and that's true. It contained my dreams and desire for 2 years, my passion to make it work and be successful.

And that's exactly it. To me, if my ultimate goal is to stay in Korea in the long run, go through that language program that I have been talking about to become effectively tri-lingual, then I have to DO instead of TALK. I need to think about blog-shop name (suggestions?), how to go about getting it started, profit margin, products to carry, etc etc. And in a month I have met people from different places that could be my contact points in other countries. And I have an IT expert in the hostel as well. So maybe I can get his help with the website design, etc.

Because I'm here, I can't give myself anymore excuses. It's where I want to be, with the chance to do what I want. So yes. I'm doing it.

Maybe one day, I would look back and laugh at myself. But right now, it's full steam ahead.

Audrey! FIGHTING!

P/S: I'm sorry that this supposed 'travel blog' has evolved into a self-awareness/motivational(?) blog but I received a tweet the other day from @pjpeejay about how she was inspired after reading my blog and what I did. She went and applied for an exchange program in Korea and she got it. So she's gonna be here from June to August. I'm happy to hear this so I wish her all the best.

I'm going to the cherry blossom festival tomorrow so maybe I would have nicer pictures and what nots to show and talk about tomorrow.